At FTX, multimillion-dollar expenses were approved by emoji...
1. ...because nothing says legitimate organization like approving your salary with the wink emoji.
2. ...and declaring bankruptcy was sent with player hands.
3. ...and customer statements simply had the abacus emoji followed by the confused face emoji.
4. ...I knew something was up when my monthly statement was just the poop emoji.
5. ...because who needs FDIC when you have the face screaming in fear emoji.
Tupperware stock plunges after warning it could go out of business...
1. ...boy am I in trouble; I literally have all my money in Tupperware; it keeps it fresh.
2. ...great, the only parties I'm ever invited to are Tupperware related.
3. ...unless your Tupperware stock makes that burping sound, it can lose value.
4. ...now the stock is just like the product; no one will admit they bought a hundred while drinking heavily on a Saturday morning.
5. ...good to know that if times get tough, I have a meatball-stained, cracked Tupperware bowl from 1994 that can fetch a hundred on eBay.
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