5 Jokes a day 1/15/19

During the #ElChapo trial we learned the kingpin’s life on the lam consisted of maids, plasma-screen TVs and a failed film project... the film project... Suicide Squad, said EL Chapo... 'this time we get it right.

River of #chocolate flows on #Arizona #highway after tanker carrying 40,000 pounds overturns... commuters refer to it as the chocolate highway... it's funny because, 'Riding the Chocolate Highway' was the name of the porno your girlfriend starred in... also filmed in Arizona.

#Ohio teen calls cops after father takes away her cell phone... hard to believe... if he took her phone, what did she call 911 with... loophole!

#SupremeCourt concludes that snatching a necklace is a violent felony... oh no, watch out next time #AqibTalib plays #MichaelCrabtree.

#ChrisChristie jabs at #Jared Kushner of political 'hit job' in new book... whoa, that's like a heavyweight getting in the ring with a lightweight... not from experience but actual size.

#JuliánCastro did business with #Trump... and quickly regretted it... yeesh, he voted for subsidies... it's not like he got his degree from #TrumpUniversity.

#McDonalds loses '#BigMac' trademark battle... congratulations to pornstar 'Big Mac with Special Sauce'

#Gymboree preparing to file for bankruptcy and close all 900 of its stores... they knew what they were getting into... 2-year olds have very little money.

#Facebook says it will invest $300M in local #news... great, now Grandma will let me know about how all the local foreigners are ruining America.