#Buccaneers resort to giving tickets away for free after 8-year low in attendance... #Florida... 3 #NFL football teams that are all under .500... maybe it's time to focus more on the Xs & Os, and less on the hookers and blow.
Scientists investigate mysterious #seismicwaves that rippled all over the world... sorry everyone... I sometimes forget I'm that good in bed... I hope no one on the other side of earth got pregnant.
Cartel member describes #ElChapo having mariachi band playing taunting song before murder attempt... damn Chapo had a house band for his life.
#SouthwestAirlines issues apology after gate agent accused of mocking child named 'Abcde'... they're lucky her brother 'Abcbbd' wasn't there... he's in a Philly street gang.
#Starbucks to block porn from its free Wi-Fi in 2019... that's ashame... Banana Cream Pie Frappuccino was the only drink I liked there.
#Putin will probably retaliate after #Trump canceled a weekend meeting... it's exactly like that time Angela Merkel ghosted Tony Blair at the spring fling... omg... he's totally gonna get it in homeroom tomorrow.
Discount shoe retailer #Payless opened a luxury shoe store called Palessi... following suit Wendy's opened a gourmet restaurant called Wendessi... Dollar Store opened Dollessi... and #TARGET opened Target... they already got nice shit there.
It's apparently pretty easy to bribe #USPS mailmen to deliver cocaine in #Atlanta... Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom... your drugs will arrive at noon.
#DunkinDonuts says DD Perks accounts may have been hacked... well look on the bright side... DD Perks also comes with diabetes... so take that hackers.
#Daredevil canceled By #Netflix after 3 seasons... he didn't see it coming.
#KylieJenner gets an additional hotel room for clothes and makeup... her clothes and makeup did have an Air B&B account until they trashed that duplex in Brooklyn last year.
#TomHanks eyed to play Geppetto in Disney’s #Pinocchio movie... what child actor are they gonna get to drink that alcohol and smoke that cigar.
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