5 Jokes a day 12/06/18

Rapper #SouljaBoy releases a video game console... sounds like that #crankthat dinero dried up... watch me crank that, watch me living under an overpass in a month.

#JessicaSimpson calls out #NataliePortman for her comments on a 1999 photo of her in a bikini while being a virgin... said Simpson... how dare you, on my kids, I swear I'm even still a virgin today.

#Chanel says it will no longer use exotic skins in collections... newly hired, administrator of collections, #BuffaloBill was quoted... 'skins will be mostly domestic from now on, now put this lotion on your skin'.

A study concluded that #surgeons who played video games for 20 minutes before operating were faster and made fewer errors... also, you get 10,000 experience points for removing an appendix with no mistakes.

#BTS just surpassed 10 million album sales in #Korea... that makes them the largest #ARMY in the world... even though most of them are 12-year-old girls... I'll reserve judgment until I see what type of training they have.

#AStarIsBorn, #BlackPanther, #BohemianRhapsody nominated for Golden Globes... no #lastjediawful?... I guess they didn't like hyperspace tracking, light speed bullets, or killing of a main villain too early... don't worry, the fans didn't either.

Riot ensues at Virginia #CheesecakeFactory during free cheesecake deal... here's a tip if you ever find yourself part of a cheesecake riot... exit the building and start seriously questioning your life choices.

#OhioState gets bacon vending machine on campus... its goal is to push the limits of how young a human can actually develop cardiac issues.

A woman is suing #Hilton for $100 million, accusing a person of filming her in the shower and posting to porno sites... the irony is, #parishilton actually launched her career on those same sites.

#Marlboro wants to get into pot business with legal cannabis industry booming... they've already hired #marijuana man to star in commercials but he's always late and can't ride a horse.

#KrispyKreme is selling a dozen doughnuts for just $1... it's being dubbed the reverse hunger games... whoever's heart gives out last wins.

Rapper #2Milly sues #Fortnite for allegedly stealing dance moves... finally, a chance to live up to the family name.