5 Jokes a day 12/31/18

#Louisiana police post: "If you have recently purchased meth, it may be contaminated with the Zika Virus, please bring it to your local police station to be tested."... that's so nice of them, on top of that, the check comes with commemorative silver bracelets for you to wear.

#WomenMarch event canceled over concerns of being 'overwhelmingly #white'... I also heard it was going to be 'overwhelmingly female'

#Samsung is reportedly making a #Bixby-powered speaker... when asked what Bixby was... Samsung replied, it's that annoying program that opens on your phone when you accidentally click the side button.

Man claims #iPhoneXSMax exploded in his pants.... premature Iphone explosion remains as the top most embarrassing things that can happen to a man.

Retired Gen. #StanleyMcChrystal says #Trump is immoral, dishonest... that's surprising because #RollingStone wasn't even in the room.

#NewYearsEve ball drop to honor journalism... hmm, I thought to was to honor the #NewYear... just when you think you know things.

#ClaireMcCaskill calls #OcasioCortez ‘a bright and shiny new object’... sounds like jealousy... the last bright, shiny object McCaskill had was that private plane taxpayers paid for in 2011.

#Fisherman finds nearly 60 pounds of #cocaine floating at sea... and one anxious whale swimming at 60 mph.

Huge #CenturyLink and #911 outage caused by spammers trying to get 911 to buy a timeshare... they've learned from this and the numbers have been blocked... they also purchased a full week in Florida next spring.

#Popsugar’s celebrity look-alike app is leaking users’ photos... just great, now everyone's gonna know I don't look like #ChrisHemsworth.