5 Jokes a day 12/14/18

Man using world's first thought-controlled #prosthetic arm... unfortunately, it's already been discontinued, all it did was jerk him off.

Employees quitting without informing anyone at their place of work is called #ghosting your job... a cashier at grocery store ghosted while she was checking me out but that's because I bought lube, large cucumbers, and handcuffs from the toy aisle then said 'when you get off'

 #Loofas are actually grown and are a relative of the #cucumber... I no idea... I'm definitely gonna give this 'showering' thing a try, now.

 #MichelleObama and #Santa perform the Fortnite “Orange Justice” dance... unfortunately, in Fortnite... there can only be one... it's on Kris Kringle.

 #Johnson&Johnson knew about asbestos in its #babypowder for decades... well, the first Johnson didn't know but the second Johnson knew and covered it up... the second Johnson is evil and consumed with power.

 #carnivalcruiselines to launch first cruise ship with #rollercoaster... the combination of an all you can eat buffet with a vomit inducing roller coaster forces Carnival to wrap all the deck furniture in plastic wrap.

 Nearly a third of Americans say "re-branded" #Santa would be #female or #genderneutral... it's probably for the best... someone saw mommy kissing Santa on the job... just can't happen in the #MeToo era.

 Nearly a third of Americans say "re-branded" #Santa would be #female or #genderneutral... I'm sure that would go over well... 'they want to chop Santa's jingle bells off and roast his chestnuts over an open fire. '