#RobinThicke and girlfriend #AprilLoveGeary are engaged... you had me at... 'You wanna hug me, what rhymes with hug me... Heyeyeyeyey'
Due to their promiscuous nature, #ladybugs have the highest rate of #STDs among insects... if the cockroach don't look right... it's time to say good night.
#Instagram changed scrolling to go left to right instead of down... doctors issue caution to everyone... those muscles haven't been used in years, could lead to serious injuries.
Winter Storm #Eboni drives warnings across Midwest... makes sense to me... if I was Eboni, I wouldn't be comfortable with all this ivory coming either.
#Trump says that with the shutdown.... ‘Most People Not Getting Paid’ Are Democrats'... oh good, at least no Americans were effected.
End of government #shutdown may depend on the definition of ‘wall’... couldn't they just put up one of those toddler fences?
#MichelleObama voted most admired woman, bumps #HillaryClinton from top spot... now she's lost to 2 Obamas... we might have a #RayFinkle situation on our hands.
#Saudi king shakes up Cabinet in the wake of #KhashoggiMurder... shuffle the deck all you want I still don't think there's any Queens in this hand.
#Foxconn will start flagship #iPhone production in India... I heard they got a great deal on suicide nets.
Fake #AmazonAlexa setup app for iOS will turn Alexa into Alex and then will try to sleep with your wife... so far it has an 80% success rate.
#ElonMusk tweets image of SpaceX’s stainless steel starship... look on the brightside, if the ship fails it'll make a great kitchen countertop.
71-year-old man is trying to cross the #AtlanticOcean in a barrel... it's sponsored by #Ponderosa... convincing old people to make poor decisions since 1965.
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